Halloween

Ah, darkness, masks, and candy... is there a more perfect combo?

My poor children do not get to decide what they want to be for halloween and go pick out a costume like normal kids. They get whatever was 75% off at Target last year, or whatever leftover costume is in the halloween tub. None of them wanted to be what they were, except Joel, and that was just because I wanted him to be something different.

Hope was Supergirl. Target special from last year. Almost too small. But for one night, she can wear it. She wanted to be a ninja or a zombie. Vetoed on both counts. But I did tell her I'd look for a ninja costume for next year. (didn't find one, although with some black clothing and some sort of mask, it might be pretty easily faked.)

Naomi was supposed to be an angel. She even had a costume party two weeks ago and wore the angel outfit. But for some reason she saw Hope's old dance outfit and wanted to be a ballerina instead. The sleeveless shirt was much too cold, so we added an ultra-classy black teeshirt underneath. Hey, she stayed warm, or at least didn't complain about being cold.

Joel just had to be Darth Vader as soon as he saw the costume. It was way too big but I bought it because it was a pretty nice costume to still be on the 75% off rack. I just wanted to see if he would fit into it next year or if he had two more years before it would fit. But no. He had to be Darth NOW. So, some creative tucking and safety-pinning and a hunt for a red light saber, and he was maskless Darth. For some reason he'd never leave the mask on for more than ten seconds. I figured a basic costume and red light saber- even star-wars-illiterate me could figure out who he was dressed up as.
And Daniel the skunk. Every kid has worn this outfit, so I had to make him wear it too. But he was less than pleased about it. I got him dressed and he lasted about 10 minutes before the fit-throwing began. So we took him out of the skunk suit. The only problem was we hadn't done pictures yet, so after a few-minute break, he had to get dressed again. No trick or treating for him; after the outfit was off the second time, he got a bottle and some quality time in his bed. My last little skunk. Maybe I'll use it again next year for him. One last baby skunk...

Zach said he wanted to take the kids trick or treating this year. I intended to go, but I figured Joel might be better without me, so Zach took all three of the munchkins by himself. I think he just wanted first dibs on their candy.

Pirate's Baby

The last time we went to Arizona, Linda's dog Pirate just about had a heart attack from having so many kids around. He's used to just Linda and Keith, and he has one other dog buddy that comes over some to visit. He stayed hidden under a bed most of the time we were there.

Last summer when we were in Oregon with David's family, we reminded the kids that Pirate doesn't want to be bugged or petted or disturbed. He took off as soon as we walked in. Even when the kids were on the beach and it was just adults, he didn't want to be messed with. Until he discovered Daniel.

Once he figured out that Daniel couldn't do anything to him, he followed that baby around wherever we took him. He slept by Daniel's blanket. He laid next to Daniel's bouncy chair. When Daniel started to cry, Pirate would run to whatever adult was nearest to make sure you knew his baby was crying and needed some attention.





This weekend when we got to David's aunt's house, Pirate was already asleep. But the next morning when all the kids were playing in the backyard, Pirate made sure to keep his distance. Even when I tried to pet him, he backed away. His spot was directly under Linda's feet or in the house. Until Daniel came outside.

I really think he remembered Daniel's smell or something. As soon as that little boy started toddling around, Pirate started following him. Daniel played in the dogs' water dish, and instead of hiding, Pirate sat there and watched him. We got Daniel a bunch of ice cubes to play with, and he and Pie sat on the porch for half an hour and just played with the ice. Daniel would feed a cube to Pirate, and the dog would actually take it from him. It was amazing how that dog remembered that this little boy used to be his baby.

History Lesson

Hope tripped while walking to the bathroom Sunday while we were camping. Her knees were pretty skinned up and one was bleeding quite a bit. She isn't the bravest of souls and was milking her injury for all it was worth. We were in the motorhome putting a bandaid on her knee, and instead of really sympathizing with her, I said, "Ya know, Uncle Ron got shot with a gun. Maybe you should ask him if that hurt worse than scraping your knee."

Ron and Cindy had come for the afternoon, hence my comment about him getting shot. As we got out of the motorhome, I asked her if she wanted to ask him about it. She said she wanted to know, but wanted me to ask. So when we got over to their campsite, I said, "Uncle Ron, Hope wants you to tell her about getting shot." Perhaps I should've been more clear: she wanted to know if it hurt. But with Ron, you never get one-word answers.

He told her all about it, more than I've ever heard:
-who all was in the boat
-he was supposed to be delivering the boat and then leaving the country for a week of R&R- obviously that didn't happen
-he was driving the boat
-he initially didn't realize he'd been more than grazed
-he was hurt worse than anyone else in the boat
-it took almost three hours after he was shot before he was even evacuated
-it took a couple more hours to get to the hospital
-he nearly bled to death before he got into surgery
-it was almost a week before anyone here knew

He never did really answer her 'did it hurt' question. It was typical Ron story-telling, and this morning Hope asked me if he really got shot; she didn't even know whether or not to believe him. But I hope, years from now, when she learns about VietNam in history class, she'll remember that hour, and that what he told her will make the war a little more real and a little more personal. I wish history classes could be taught by people who helped make the history.

Blowout

The trip home from GCF wasn't quite as uneventful as I would've liked. One of the rear tires on the motorhome blew out before we got to Ellensburg. We got to spend two hours in the motorhome barely on the side of the road, and feel the shaking of the vehicle every time anything else drove by. Sucked. But....

...thankfully, we had AAA and someone to call to help.

...thankfully, David didn't lose control of the motorhome when the tire popped.

...thankfully, we weren't far from Oma and Opa's house, so they could come get us and take us back to their house.

...thankfully, the battery on the Escalade was fully charged so Oma and Opa could come get us:)

...thankfully, we were over the Vantage hill and not coming down the freeway toward the river.

...thankfully, we had plenty of water in the refrigerator and snacks for the kids to eat.

...thankfully it wasn't 95 degrees

...thankfully, we had air conditioning

...and thankfully, we had a fully charged battery to use lights

...thankfully, neither of us had to be at work on Monday morning.

...thankfully, I'd done laundry Friday, so I didn't spend the entire time going over lists of what needed to be done when I finally got home.

...thankfully, so many things that could've gone wrong didn't happen and we all got home safely a day later than planned.

I think the person who developed antidepressants probably has a special place in heaven. Due to vacation, I've taken mine once in the past two weeks, and I can feel the crying freakshow just beneath the surface. It's amazing how a change in one little chemical can make a person go from holy freaky batman to relatively normal. Never would I claim to be entirely normal:)

A trip to hell.....I mean, the midwest during July.

I have every confidence that hell feels so much worse. But I'm not sure how. I didn't know I could sweat from some places, but since sweat was pouring from every pore in my body, I must be able to.

Other than the weather, we had a great time in Byron. We left Friday night after David got home from his trip- we figured he was wide awake anyway, and we could take advantage of the overnight driving to provide a few hours of sleep for the kids. Didn't work as well as we'd hoped. We filled up with gas when we left home and drove until Spokane. We got there about 3:15am and, of course, everyone woke up when the car stopped. Unfortunately, they didn't go back to sleep. Looooong morning when it starts at 3am.


We stopped for the kids to get out and move around some at several rest stops between here and Illinois, but that was about all we stopped at. Drove by the Mount Rushmore exit, Sturgis, all the LittleHouseonthePrarie towns and museums, Wall Drug, the Corn Palace, the Spam museum....all the must-see places between here and there. But we saw some killer rest stops. Not really. And Minnesota was kind enough to close all their rest stops to save the state money. But since I got a speeding ticket halfway through the state, I'm sure they'll have the funds to reopen them. Seriously, WHO closes every rest stop in the entire state in the summer?? Do it in January when no one in their right mind is driving through.


We discovered that the heat is actually tolerable if you stay in the shade. It's really not bad if you're in the shade and there's a breeze. The kids didn't much care- they played outside on all Amy's toys no matter how hot it was. Andre has a six-wheeler that he drove the kids all around on. Joel had a gay 'ole time playing with the dog- he even hung out in the dog kennel for awhile.


When it was too stinkin' hot to be outside, the kids were in luck! Amy has every fun toy/book/video game known to man. The kids were in heaven! They played Rock Band a ton- Joel even used a broken guitar that wasn't plugged in and had a fabulous time "rockin' out", as he said. Taylor has a drum set in her room that the kids played at first, but she quickly realized that Joel chose not to follow the rule of 'only play it when I'm in here', so the drum set became offlimits. And since Amy works at a video store, she brought home all sorts of movies for the kids to watch.



One day we spent the entire day at the Rock River at Amy's cabin. Unfortunately, the cabin was torn down and is being rebuilt, and it isn't much more than just walls. The toilet is in the bathroom, but not hooked up yet. The air conditioner is in and hooked up, but there's no insulation yet so it only cools things a few degrees. We all fought over who got to sit next to the A/C vents:) The kids had SO much fun in the water! They all absolutely LOVED it! The river is muddy and dirty, but the water was cool. I stayed at the cabin during Daniel's nap while the rest of them went out in the boat. I knew being on the water in the sun on the boat would not be good for my insta-fry skin. The kids all got to ride on the jetbob; the jetskis weren't working very well so only David and Joel got to ride on them. I'd told David in the past that if we ever moved back there we'd get a set of jetskis to keep at the cabin; getting to ride Andre's for a few minutes made him think having his own would be a wonderful idea:)


The trip back was not fun. Actually it seemed like we made better time, but the anticipation of fifteen hours each day in the car was bad. Poor Daniel cried most of the time he was awake both days; I think not having any real time to move around was messing up his intestines. But considering how far we drove with four little kids, I think everyone put up with the driving remarkably well. And Joel went from sorta potty trained to not even needing a pull-up- I don't know why being on the trip made it click, but he got great at telling us when he needed to stop. Maybe because he wanted out of the car and that was one sure-fire way to get dad to pull over:)

Funny things kids say

Joel and Naomi have both said a bunch of funny things lately. And since I'll never remember them if I don't write them down:

Joel- lately he always needs to 'tell me a secret'. Usually the secret is "I wuv you", which is very nice to hear. Saturday the youngest three all had bowel issues, and he woke up from his nap and had a bit of an overflow. He just stood there and yelled until I heard him and came to clean him up, which took awhile:( As I was putting new clothes on him, he said he needed to tell me a secret. His secret? "Mom, I'm done with my nap." Yeah kiddo, I sorta figured...

Naomi- one of her jobs is to help me with the laundry, so as we were folding laundry she came across a pair of shorts she likes. She said she loved them because they had flowers on them. Smart alec me said "Then why don't you marry them!" Her reply: "Bees have to marry flowers, and besides, I already had to marry macaroni and cheese the other day."

Joel- He never wants his nails cut because he says it hurts. I was trimming his nails and told him it wouldn't hurt. After a few nails, he matter-of-factly says, "Mom, I love you, but you're hurting me."

Joely calls chapstick 'woop-stick', tissues 'two-thews', and chocolate 'twock-it'.

Little Green Stickers

When the moving company moved our stuff here from Rockford, they tagged every box, tub, piece of furniture, and package of diapers with numbered stickers to keep track of what was put on the truck. Even David's motorcycle had a little green sticker on it.

As we unpacked, we pulled stickers off of everything we owned. For months, I found them in countless places. Under the dining room table. On Hope's bed. On Jody.

Monday we unloaded the motorhome when we got home from camping. David put all the books we'd taken in a little garbage can to carry them all inside. Yesterday as the garbage can was sitting by the door with a pile of things to go back to the motorhome, I noticed a little green sticker on the side of it.....I guess I missed that one.

And, of course, the sight of the sticker made me regret, for the ten millionth time in the last four years, that we ever left Rockford. What seemed like such a good idea has turned out to be one of our biggest regrets. Darn stickers- I really didn't need that reminder.

6.1.2010

"It's a........David, why don't you tell us."
"It's a boy!"
"No. No. No, it isn't. ......... No."
"Well, there's a penis, so I think it is."

I remember just laying there in shock. I remember thinking,'it can't be a boy'. I remember saying his cry sounded like Joel's. Duh, he's a newborn- they all sound pretty similar. I remember throwing up. In all fairness, that was probably due more to the anesthetic than the shock. I remember wondering what in the heck we were going to name him. David was pushing Daniel instead of Isaiah.

I was SO positive this baby was a girl. I was nauseous just like I was with both girls. With Joel, I had some nausea, but at random times, not every afternoon and evening without fail. This baby just squirmed around and kicked enough to know it was awake, but nothing painful. With Joel, he kicked so hard I thought he was trying to kick his way out. It HURT. Not just "hey kid, quit kicking me in the ribs" kind of hurt. I'd yell at him and hit him back kind of hurt. This pregnancy was just like both girls; this baby must be a girl too.

After we checked into the hospital and they got all the preliminary stuff done, David and I had about an hour to sit in our room before surgery. I remember asking him if, when Zach was born, he was disappointed that he wasn't a girl. He said no, he was surprised, but then the joy of having a baby sort of took over and he didn't really care. Odd that I asked him that, since that exact situation was about to happen to me.

But I did care. I wanted Leah. I wanted another sweet little girl to dress up in all my cute little girl clothes. Even as I sat in my hospital room, poring over a name book some nurse dug up for me, I mourned that this wasn't my Leah. I suppose I simply mourned my expectations, and mourned the fact that I would never have another girl. I was happy about a boy, because I also remember rocking Joel to sleep many nights, mourning the fact that I {thought I} wouldn't have another boy. But when life doesn't hand you what you expect, you have to readjust to the new reality.

Now I have another son.

Biking

Yes, I know she's 8. Yes, I know she still has training wheels on her bike. There really aren't any flat-ish areas around here for her to practice. Even the main street that runs perpendicular to us slopes downhill, and she freaks out when she starts going faster.

But, wait. Now, she is 8 years and 1 day old, and the training wheels are no more!



She rode all around the campground the first night we got there and was out first thing in the morning riding some more. David took off her training wheels, ran beside her for three or four laps around the area we were camping in, and then she was riding by herself. She had SO. MUCH. FUN. riding that bike all over the camp! She was pretty good at knowing where she was in relation to our campsite, and she would take Naomi around too so that they weren't stuck riding with Joel the entire weekend. She has issues with feeling like she isn't good at anything, I'm sure thanks in large part to her somewhat hypercritical mother, so it was great for her to really feel like she was excelling at something. Her face was a permagrin as long as she was riding around.

But now all I hear is "Can I go ride my bike?".

More Changes

I like it when David is home. Really, I do. But somehow, even with four little munchkins, the house stays cleaner when David is gone.

No- not the house. The kitchen. If the kitchen and kitchen table are clean, I'm pretty ok with the rest of the house being a mess.

And David- how do I say this nicely- doesn't believe in the importance of a garbage can? Or putting things away? Usually, my cleaned-off kitchen counter survives until about .04 seconds after he enters the kitchen when he gets home.

But seriously, I do like having him home. The kitchen is a sacrifice.

And having a clean kitchen is my reward for putting up with him being gone so much!

He left at 3:30 this morning.

Joel got up at 7:30.

I got up at 8:00.

By 8:30, the clean dishes in the dishwasher (that had been there for two days) were put away, the dirty dishes that somehow get left on the counter, table, family room coffee table, family room floor were loaded into the dishwasher and being washed, the counters were cleared and washed down, and the kitchen table was washed off, ready for Hopester to spend the entire. freaking. day. at it doing her one hour of schoolwork.

See:








And just to prove that my house is a huge mess and I just move my piles of crap around, here's a picture of my desk, that obviously didn't receive the same attention as the kitchen:)

Changes

Joel has lost the privilege of having anything in his bedroom. He now has a hotel. No personalization, nothing he owns. Just a bed that we've allowed him to sleep in.

He has come to hate being locked in his bedroom. HATES it. Big temper tantrum, kicking, screaming, hates it.

So we changed the rules. I won't lock him in his room.

At first.

He gets one try to stay in his bed. If he gets out of bed, the door gets locked.

It usually takes until I get to the top of the stairs before I hear him get out of bed. So I go back and tell him that since he couldn't obey and stay in his bed, the door will need to be locked. Usually he's ok with that.

Friday night wasn't usually. Screaming, yelling, banging on the door. Pulled out every dresser drawer and emptied it on the floor.

Saturday night wasn't bad. I don't even think he got locked in at first.

But after I put the girls to bed, I went into his room to check on him. He had taken the almost-full bottle of baby powder and created a snowstorm in his bedroom. Everywhere. Powder on every horizontal surface he could reach. He even climbed into Daniel's crib so he could reach a stack of Rubbermaid totes with too big/too small clothes in them.

So his bedroom got cleaned out. I took out the dresser, changing table, lamp, laundry basket, chair, ottoman. He lost all stuffed animals, blankets, extra pillows, water cup, toys, books.

His room now contains a bed, 1 blanket, 1 pillow, and a crib, simply because I didn't want to take it apart to get it out of the room.

The bad part is he does still have things in his closet. His shelves of clothes will call to him to be destroyed, I'm sure. I emptied the toy box of all toys, but I left the shelves and bins there. He probably won't bother the cases of diapers, and if he leaves those alone, he won't discover that the bottom boxes in the stacks contain not diapers, but the previously mentioned removed toys:)

Last night he stayed in bed after one warning. I closed the closet door to hopefully remove the temptation to tear it apart since I'd removed all other things to destroy. I had taken his nightlight in the purge, and he got out of bed to turn his light on and cry about it. I went back in, gave him back the nightlight, put him back in bed, and locked the door. I even stayed in the next room to listen for awhile, and he didn't get back out of bed.

We'll see how long it takes before he figures out how to destroy something else in there.

The Oldest Child

I've been reading a birth order book the past few weeks. Hope has gotten more attitude-y, sullen, disobedient in sneaky ways, and I figured understanding the drawbacks and precautions for firstborns would be a good step in changing those behaviours.

I've always assumed I was a displaced firstborn, because I don't have the achiever syndrome characteristic of a firstborn, and Mandy does. So I figured she became the "firstborn" and I shifted more to a middle-born personality.

I figured wrong. No, I don't have the overachieving aspect, but I have the list-making, perfectionist, my-house-is-never-tidy-enough, compulsively organized aspects of a controlling, powerful firstborn. "The powerful firstborn needs to be in control. You hear statements from him like 'You will do what I say' and 'I guess I have to do it myself if I want it done right'. They're perfectionsistic and they expect everyone around them to toe the line exactly the way they want it toed....These firstborns don't have to be aggressive to be powerful; they can also be shy and moody...". Hmm- that sounds alot like someone I know.

So, I'm a firstborn. And I can tell Hope definitely is too. David, though, is more a middleborn, I think. Amy is close enough in age that I think she took over the oldest role. David may even be a baby, and Sara became the oldest of Linda and Jerry's family. Actually, I'm quite sure that's what happened. Amy is oldest, David is baby, Sara is oldest of the second-time-around family. If anyone thinks she isn't a perfectionist, then they haven't met her/seen her/heard anything about her. David not being a functional firstborn means we may not kill each other:)

So now to figure out about the other three munchkins. Joel should be a firstborn, being the oldest boy. I'm quite sure Daniel will be a baby- easygoing, funny, low maintenance. Naomi is going to be a typical middle child, I think. Which means I need to lighten up on Hope and spend more time with Naomi. I'll wait until I figure out if I'm going to murder Joel before I worry about the boys' birth order stuff.

10 Years

Nine years and nine months ago, I was sure I'd never survive the first year, much less an entire decade. Plodding through each day took all the energy I could muster.

I don't even remember thinking about how life in the future would look without mom. The wedding was about as far in the future as I could focus at that point.

But now the future is here. It's been 10 years; an entire decade of life without mom.

And although my heart still breaks and I'm sometimes overwhelmed with grief and tears, I'm also so thankful for such grace. I don't live with constant regret, constant fear, continual questions. That's what I'm in for with dad, regardless of what any of us say or do. There will forever be the 'what ifs' and 'if onlys' and 'I wish'. Not how I want to live, and thankfully I don't have to with mom.

Today at church we sang Great is thy Faithfulness. Such appropriate words:

...a peace that endureth,

Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow...

...morning by morning new mercies I see;

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided...

I am not now, nor will I ever be, thankful that mom is gone. But I am so thankful for such mercy and grace, such peace that eventually made my heart grateful rather than bitter or resentful. And hopeful.

Hopeful that life would continue without her.

Hopeful that I would eventually smile again, or even be able to laugh about memories of mom instead of cry about them.

Hopeful that I would be able to parent my children without her to guide me.

Hopeful that in time the ache would dull.

Hopeful that there will be a day when I smile when I think of her instead of feeling sad.

Hopeful that some day, hopefully FAR in the future, God will say, "See that sweet soul over there? Go spend some time with her."

The important things in life

For Hope's writing assignment Wednesday, she had to write her favorite Bible story. She chose Jesus' birth. There were lots of misspellings and she apparently thought He was born in Befliham, but ya know...

Thursday's assignment was to finish the story from Wednesday. Usually, in this curriculum, that means re-writing her original story to correct any mistakes from the first draft. She seemed to think it meant 'finish the story'. This is what she wrote:

"After Jesus was born, Mary, Josuf, and Jesus went back home. When Jesus was 2 years old some wise men came to him and gave him gifts. Then he grew up and died for our sins."

So, on the one hand, I think I probably should make her aware of the fact that Jesus did have some of His life between birth and death documented. I think there may be one or two useful lessons somewhere there in the life of Christ.

On the other hand, I love that she sees His death as the end of His birth story. That's why He was born- not to be a good person and a model for us to strive to emulate, but to die for us. The in-between part was just a prelude to the end of the story.

Faulty Math

When this GE job came along, David was told travel would be involved, but it would only be about 30% of the time. I knew from the beginning that was WAY underestimated.

There is no way someone can have a territory as large as this one is, and only travel 30% of the time. If you figure 5 days a week and 4 weeks a month, the 30% is 6 days a month- there is no way you could cover 7 states in 6 days.

January, he was gone about 60% of the time.

February, same- about 60%.

Now here we are, halfway through March. David has been home 3 days so far this month. THREE. And they were 2 Saturdays and 1 Sunday.

He's been in Spokane more this month than he's been home. If we lived there, we would've seen him twice as much this month! Maybe moving there could still happen.

Yes, there have been days where he has either been here first thing in the morning or last thing at night, but that's just coming and going between trips.

Being here, actually BEING here, all day, with no plans to leave midmorning for a trip or pulling in from the airport at 9 or 10 at night, has been reduced to about 15% of our lives.

I will be patient; I will be patient; I will be patient....

This is not going to work.

Typical boring day

On paper, the days I don't go to work seem so boring.

But I love them:)

Today began at 2AM when Joel, whom I didn't lock in his room due to vomiting in his bed two nights ago, got in bed with me, left the bedroom door opened, and woke up Daniel. It continued at 6AM when, again, Joel woke up Daniel, this time with loud crying at his door because he was locked in his room. I got up and showered and made breakfast for whomever was awake.

Joel and Naomi played and made a mess of most of the house, and pretended to watch whatever Netflix movie was on each time I threatened to turn the TV off. Hope sat quietly somewhere and tried not to be noticed, so I'd forget she needed to be doing schoolwork.

Snacktime at 10; more tv/running around/playing whatever game Hope decides they all need to play. Lunch, naptime for Joel, and schooltime for Hope.

Since it was sunny, Naomi went out for a little while to play, but there was a bug outside. Imagine that- living creatures in the outdoors. But that's a deal-breaker for her. She stood on the back porch for 10 minutes and decided to come inside.

Hope spent much longer than needed on her schoolwork, as always. She actually seemed fairly motivated at first today. But it didn't last long- pretty soon she was daydreaming and dawdling. Joel woke up from his nap and went outside to play. Naomi joined him, but they both spent only a little while out there before they decided to come back in. More games/tv/fighting until dinner.

We had spaghetti, salad, and peach slices for dinner. Joel and Naomi both took baths, and then everyone went to bed.

Boring day. Didn't even leave the house. But I still wouldn't mind if they were all this boring.

Another shopping victory!

I've only taken all the kids shopping by myself once. I just wait for David to be home or go during my lunch break at work.

But my plans to go to Walgreens this morning before he left for New Jersey evaporated when he told me his flight left at 7am. Who leaves that early when you don't have to be there until the next morning?? But he swears that because of the time difference and the times the shuttles were running, that's what he had to do.

So, what do I do? Do I wait until Tuesday and go during lunch, in which case everything I want will be sold out? Or do I go on Sunday when I know the things I want will be in stock, but going will require taking four children with me. And not just any four children; my four children, three of whom make any shopping trip an experience in frustration. Hope whines the entire time because she wants a treat and pouts when I say no- which I always do as a matter of principle to not give in to the whining; one would think she'd learn not to bother asking. Naomi cries if the wind blows or if Hope holds her hand or if Hope doesn't hold her hand when Naomi wants her to......you get the idea. Joel- I swear, that boy could have a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese with Thomas and Diego in attendance and have ToysRUs provide an entire truckload of presents and he'd still find something to throw a fit about. Daniel is just as sweet as can be unless he's hungry or a sibling hurts him. One out of four isn't bad, right?

I decided, since I only was going to buy some PediaCare that was basically free after coupons, that I'd go to Walgreens, leave the kids in the car, and just run in and buy the medicine.

But then I saw the Walgreens ad in person and realized there were some other good deals that would require some time in the store.

Naomi whimpered a bit because she was sure she'd get hit by a car in the parking lot if she wasn't holding Hope's hand; Joel started to enter 'fit' mode because he had to sit in the back of the cart instead of the front, but overall, they were very well-behaved. Joel started singing a little loudly at times, but it beats yelling at the top of his lungs, which very easily could've been the situation.

With all the deals this week, I spent $12 for $53 worth of stuff. I think 77% savings is worth gambling on a bad shopping trip.

I'm actually thinking of going back and doing all the transactions again when the boys wake up from their nap:)

Safety Rails

The other night Joel got up at 3:00am, got out of bed, and started playing in his room. In order to get out of bed, he has to crawl over the safety rails that completely encircle his bed. He can't accidentally fall or slide out of bed; he has to make the conscious decision to get over those rails.

Obviously, his playing in his room didn't go over extremely well. He knows he isn't allowed to get out of bed in the night. If he wakes up, he's supposed to play with one of the books or toys in his bed until he goes back to sleep.

There may have been some harsh words directed at him as I encouraged him to get back in bed. Or I may have just barged in and yelled at him to get his butt back where it belonged. I'm quite sure one of those two scenarios occurred.

On the way to work the next morning, I was praying about Joel. "WHY, God, why can he not obey? Why is it so difficult to just stay in his bed? What is it about this kid that makes him take each and every opportunity to disobey and seize it wholeheartedly?"

Ya ever notice how God doesn't really answer prayers like that? Instead, as He wipes His eyes from laughing at me so hard, He brings these thoughts to my mind:

How often do I climb over my own 'safety rails' into areas that God tells me to not enter?

How often do I ignore a simple command to obey?

How often do I think that I can just quietly enjoy the things of the world and nobody will notice?

I'll be really quiet and just sit here and play for a few minutes before I get back in bed. No one will wake up and I'll be able to have my fun before mom realizes I'm out here being disobedient. I won't get caught. Besides, if I wasn't supposed to play with these things, mom wouldn't have bought them for me, right?

I'll be really quiet and not advertise the fact that I watch {insert tv show that mocks my beliefs}/read {insert magazine title that promotes worldliness}/listen to {insert music by an artist who does not glorify God with his/her talent}. No one will know and I'll be able to have my fun before it really affects me. God won't care. I won't get caught. Besides, if I wasn't supposed to watch/read/listen to these things, God wouldn't have allowed them to exist, right?

Joel is simply a miniature version of me.

I guess safety rails aren't just for two-year-olds.

Men

Men are dumb. They may mess up and do something right once in a while, but in general, they're dumb.

This last week David was in San Francisco. But I still packed up all four kids and went to the Y every night. Treadmill, elliptical, weights, every night he was gone.

Part of it is selfish on my part- I don't have to deal with Joel if I go to the Y. The childcare there gets to. And he is SO much better there, from what I can tell. I'm sure part of it is having different toys and different kids to play with. I could stay home and put up with the attitude and disobedience for an hour before bedtime, if I felt like it. But I don't.

David knows I go each night. He's told me how proud he is of me that I still go when he's gone, even though it's harder to take all of them by myself.

So today he gave me a present for Valentine's Day. No flowers, even though he knows that's what I love most as a gift. No books, because he knows I'll just go to the library and get any book I want to read. He got me 10,000 calories worth of chocolate. Thank you so much. Just what I need to help with my goal to lose weight. Four pounds' worth of calories in chocolate. In his defense, he did get some peanut butter M&M's- always a good call. And a bag of Dove, which I like. But a bag of regular kisses- those will go to the kids. And a box of truffles with all sorts of weird flavors....again, I hope the kids enjoy peach-flavored chocolate.

Stick with flowers. I always like them. For any occasion. Flowers.

Normal

2/13/2001
6:30am

5099223773
Fowler J

That's what showed up on my caller ID. I thought it was odd for mom to call so early, but she knew I'd be up and on my way to work.

Only, when I answered, it wasn't mom. It was Charles.

"Tisha, there's somenthing wrong with your mom."

Those few seconds before I answered the phone were the last normal moments of my life.

Since I was leaving for work, I called Mandy to deal with it. I didn't really think it was any big deal. I just figured Charles was overreacting a bit and didn't want to call Mandy since she'd figured out all the stuff going on between him and mom. Even after she went to the hospital and they thought she had an aneyrism, I still didn't realize what I was in for. A patient of mine that morning told me I should go to the hospital, but I said "Oh, my sister's a PA and she didn't act like it was a huge deal, so I'm sure it'll be fine."

At lunch that day, Mandy called and said that a chaplain had told her to call anyone she thought should be there. That's when I realized this was a whole lot more serious than I had realized. I remember telling Ted to cancel my afternoon. He thought I was joking because I didn't want to go back to work after lunch, I guess, because he chuckled. I stared him down and barked, "I'm serious. Cancel my afternoon. I'm going to the hospital." I'm quite sure I didn't even tell the doctors I was leaving. I just left.

I remember speeding to the hospital, the entire time praying "God, please just let her live till I get there. Don't let her die before I'm there." And she didn't. He answered that prayer. I remember several other times I prayed things like 'keep her safe', 'let her not be in pain', 'let her be peaceful', and those all were answered too. I wonder if God purposely kept me from praying simply 'don't let her die' so I wouldn't focus on the prayers that weren't answered, but on the ones that were.

And today, 10 years later, I've had to find a new normal in life. After that phone call, my old 'normal' ceased to exist.

White versus Wheat

Hope and I were learning about food groups, vitamins, and minerals in Science. Her book showed a bunch of pictures of foods, and she was supposed to decide which ones had lots of vitamins and/or minerals.

She obviously chose all the fruits and veggies, but she also chose the picture of Wonderbread. We had a talk about how the white bread really didn't have any vitamins, but the dark bread that we eat does have good-for-you things in it.

"So that's why I don't like the bread at Ms. Priscilla's. It's white and not good for me."

Today when I made them lunch, they had 100% whole wheat bread, organinc pb, sugar-free jelly, lowfat string cheese, stone ground flax and rye crackers, and five pieces of pineapple.

David made a face when he tried the crackers; he won't eat the whole wheat bread either. He uses sandwich thins if he eats a sandwich because he thinks whole wheat bread is too dry. I've learned not to send him to the store for bread, because we end up with cracked wheat bread, or in other words, Wonderbread with little flakes put in to make it look like there might be a grain or two in it.

Just goes to show what our taste buds prefer if they're never given a sweeter, less healthy option. Each kid ate every bite of their lunch, whole grains and all.

WYYYYYYYYYY-MCA

We joined the Y....again.

And I've gotten to be buddies with the treadmill....again.

And realized that lifting weights results in unexpectedly sore muscles the next day....again.

Can you sense my joy? Yeah, me neither.

But we've also started swimming with the kids during open swim time. This Y has a lap pool, but not a nice kids pool like the Valley Y. The kids have to be with a parent, and you can only have one non-able-to-swim child per adult, so the kids have had to take turns.

David figured out how to wrap a pool noodle around Joel and put a lifejacket on over it so that he easily stays above the water and can play. The child couldn't sink if he tried. He dogpaddles all over the pool chasing the other noodles and balls they put in the pool for the kids to play with. He really is going to be a very athletic kid. But he swam by me the other night and said "Mom, I a gwate thwimmah." Take the flotation devices off and let's see what a great swimmer you are, little boy. At least he seems to have confidence in his abilities:)

Alright...never mind

I have been having Hope read selected stories out of her school reader books. Most of the stories are pretty boring, and I'd really rather she read real books rather than ones with specific sounds/words omitted to follow their curriculum. So we skim. I skimmed through and found a story about the Pilgrims. I figured- reading practice and history lesson in one! We had read about the Pilgrims in her history book several weeks ago, but she can always read it again, right? When I told her to read the story, she said: "The Pilgrims? Boring. Besides, they were really called the Separatists." Alright- if you know that much, maybe you don't need to read that one.