One Year

One year ago, I drove out of my driveway in Marysville one last time. 

I cannot believe it's been a year!  It seems like four or five months, maybe.

And I still love being here.

I did not love being in Marysville.  As I drove away from that house, I thought about how different that moment was from the moments when I left my other houses.

My house in Spokane- I spent several moments gazing around the living room, thinking about how much my life had changed in that house. 

I went from being recently-brokenhearted but realizing I would be just fine and should move on with my life, to being vivacious, quasi-orphan, fiancée, wife, mother, mostly-single parent....

When I bought that house, Terry had just instituted one of his month-long breaks from each other that he was so fond of.  After a week, I realized I did not need him in my life. When the month was over, I took almost perverse pleasure when I saw the shock in his eyes as he realized what my buying my own house meant. 

I remember the first time I saw the house in a real-estate magazine; I thought there were too many angles to the roofline.  But I loved that house; I imagine if we'd been able to stay in Spokane we might've still been there, although it would mean some room-sharing.

David was in a hurry to leave, so I didn't get as many moments as I wanted, alone for the last time in my house, but I spun slowly in a circle,  thinking about how life can change so much and so quickly, thinking about the first moments Bryn and I walked into that room, just remembering.

 Our last moments at our house in Rockford, we were in a hurry again, but this time David made me turn around and look at the house one more time.  I was sobbing - -SOB.BING. If I'd gone with my heart instead of with what I thought my husband wanted, I would've called the moving truck and told them to just come back.  Even though I hadn't loved Rockford in the beginning, I was not the one who decided to leave in the end.

The first time I saw that house online, I loved it, although the location wasn't ideal.  We actually made an offer on another house near Amy, and I agonized and cried over that one too.  Thankfully, we didn't get that house, because this was definitely the right one for us.

And leaving it was no fun at all.  In fact, I'm not sure my heart ever did leave.  Part of it still resides in that house.

And then the Marysville house.  Given what we had to choose from, it was one of the better choices.  But I never loved it, and once they built the houses behind it, my feelings about it went downhill fast. 

And when it was time to leave, I didn't even look back.  Didn't take one last look around the house, didn't glance in the rearview mirror, nothing.

Really, I'm not at all sorry about that.  No love lost there.


I wonder what the circumstances will be when I leave this house for the last time.  I like it.  I don't love it like I loved our Rockford house (except the 500 square feet of white tile floor.  That was the bane of my existence, and the reason I hired a maid), although it fits our needs well and we could easily live here until all the kids are gone.  I don't foresee moving anywhere else in the near- or semi-distant future.  I love our town, I like Rockford, I see no reason to leave.  Unless some dream job became available in Spokane, but that isn't going to happen.  And even then.....would I want to move back?  I really don't know. 

But.....time flies.  I still cannot fathom that we've been here for a year.