I am completely, without question, certifiably loco. This morning I've been crying because I miss Rockford. Yes, the place I absolutely hated and thought should be banished from the face of the earth. The place I complained about constantly and couldn't wait to leave. But David got an email yesterday from the echo dept with all the latest gossip- who's prego, who's dating, that sort of stuff. Then last night I dreamed we moved back there, but the people who bought our house wouldn't let us buy it back.
I told David about the dream, and he said "Well, I don't blame them. I wouldn't want to sell it either". So as we were talking I got started crying because I miss that house and I miss knowing David was happy to go to work every morning and I miss being able to be home and do whatever I want and being able to just go over to the hospital for lunch if we wanted. I miss Amy and Andre. I'm nuts. I hated it there- but now I can't really remember why. Maybe it was just cause I didn't think that's where I wanted to be. But I wonder what would've happened if I'd been taking my antidepressants that week we were in Spokane. David knew as soon as I started saying I wasn't going to go back to Rockford that I hadn't been taking my meds. If I'd just kept my mouth shut, would he still have wanted this job? Who knows. I feel bad that he moved to make me happy. And I am happy. I think. I don't really have a happiness checklist to judge by. I'm afraid that's just my personality- to always second-guess whatever decision I make. Bad news for me, cause the grass is usually greener somewhere else. And in this case it's greener from my back deck in Rockford.
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