Safety Rails

The other night Joel got up at 3:00am, got out of bed, and started playing in his room. In order to get out of bed, he has to crawl over the safety rails that completely encircle his bed. He can't accidentally fall or slide out of bed; he has to make the conscious decision to get over those rails.

Obviously, his playing in his room didn't go over extremely well. He knows he isn't allowed to get out of bed in the night. If he wakes up, he's supposed to play with one of the books or toys in his bed until he goes back to sleep.

There may have been some harsh words directed at him as I encouraged him to get back in bed. Or I may have just barged in and yelled at him to get his butt back where it belonged. I'm quite sure one of those two scenarios occurred.

On the way to work the next morning, I was praying about Joel. "WHY, God, why can he not obey? Why is it so difficult to just stay in his bed? What is it about this kid that makes him take each and every opportunity to disobey and seize it wholeheartedly?"

Ya ever notice how God doesn't really answer prayers like that? Instead, as He wipes His eyes from laughing at me so hard, He brings these thoughts to my mind:

How often do I climb over my own 'safety rails' into areas that God tells me to not enter?

How often do I ignore a simple command to obey?

How often do I think that I can just quietly enjoy the things of the world and nobody will notice?

I'll be really quiet and just sit here and play for a few minutes before I get back in bed. No one will wake up and I'll be able to have my fun before mom realizes I'm out here being disobedient. I won't get caught. Besides, if I wasn't supposed to play with these things, mom wouldn't have bought them for me, right?

I'll be really quiet and not advertise the fact that I watch {insert tv show that mocks my beliefs}/read {insert magazine title that promotes worldliness}/listen to {insert music by an artist who does not glorify God with his/her talent}. No one will know and I'll be able to have my fun before it really affects me. God won't care. I won't get caught. Besides, if I wasn't supposed to watch/read/listen to these things, God wouldn't have allowed them to exist, right?

Joel is simply a miniature version of me.

I guess safety rails aren't just for two-year-olds.

Men

Men are dumb. They may mess up and do something right once in a while, but in general, they're dumb.

This last week David was in San Francisco. But I still packed up all four kids and went to the Y every night. Treadmill, elliptical, weights, every night he was gone.

Part of it is selfish on my part- I don't have to deal with Joel if I go to the Y. The childcare there gets to. And he is SO much better there, from what I can tell. I'm sure part of it is having different toys and different kids to play with. I could stay home and put up with the attitude and disobedience for an hour before bedtime, if I felt like it. But I don't.

David knows I go each night. He's told me how proud he is of me that I still go when he's gone, even though it's harder to take all of them by myself.

So today he gave me a present for Valentine's Day. No flowers, even though he knows that's what I love most as a gift. No books, because he knows I'll just go to the library and get any book I want to read. He got me 10,000 calories worth of chocolate. Thank you so much. Just what I need to help with my goal to lose weight. Four pounds' worth of calories in chocolate. In his defense, he did get some peanut butter M&M's- always a good call. And a bag of Dove, which I like. But a bag of regular kisses- those will go to the kids. And a box of truffles with all sorts of weird flavors....again, I hope the kids enjoy peach-flavored chocolate.

Stick with flowers. I always like them. For any occasion. Flowers.

Normal

2/13/2001
6:30am

5099223773
Fowler J

That's what showed up on my caller ID. I thought it was odd for mom to call so early, but she knew I'd be up and on my way to work.

Only, when I answered, it wasn't mom. It was Charles.

"Tisha, there's somenthing wrong with your mom."

Those few seconds before I answered the phone were the last normal moments of my life.

Since I was leaving for work, I called Mandy to deal with it. I didn't really think it was any big deal. I just figured Charles was overreacting a bit and didn't want to call Mandy since she'd figured out all the stuff going on between him and mom. Even after she went to the hospital and they thought she had an aneyrism, I still didn't realize what I was in for. A patient of mine that morning told me I should go to the hospital, but I said "Oh, my sister's a PA and she didn't act like it was a huge deal, so I'm sure it'll be fine."

At lunch that day, Mandy called and said that a chaplain had told her to call anyone she thought should be there. That's when I realized this was a whole lot more serious than I had realized. I remember telling Ted to cancel my afternoon. He thought I was joking because I didn't want to go back to work after lunch, I guess, because he chuckled. I stared him down and barked, "I'm serious. Cancel my afternoon. I'm going to the hospital." I'm quite sure I didn't even tell the doctors I was leaving. I just left.

I remember speeding to the hospital, the entire time praying "God, please just let her live till I get there. Don't let her die before I'm there." And she didn't. He answered that prayer. I remember several other times I prayed things like 'keep her safe', 'let her not be in pain', 'let her be peaceful', and those all were answered too. I wonder if God purposely kept me from praying simply 'don't let her die' so I wouldn't focus on the prayers that weren't answered, but on the ones that were.

And today, 10 years later, I've had to find a new normal in life. After that phone call, my old 'normal' ceased to exist.

White versus Wheat

Hope and I were learning about food groups, vitamins, and minerals in Science. Her book showed a bunch of pictures of foods, and she was supposed to decide which ones had lots of vitamins and/or minerals.

She obviously chose all the fruits and veggies, but she also chose the picture of Wonderbread. We had a talk about how the white bread really didn't have any vitamins, but the dark bread that we eat does have good-for-you things in it.

"So that's why I don't like the bread at Ms. Priscilla's. It's white and not good for me."

Today when I made them lunch, they had 100% whole wheat bread, organinc pb, sugar-free jelly, lowfat string cheese, stone ground flax and rye crackers, and five pieces of pineapple.

David made a face when he tried the crackers; he won't eat the whole wheat bread either. He uses sandwich thins if he eats a sandwich because he thinks whole wheat bread is too dry. I've learned not to send him to the store for bread, because we end up with cracked wheat bread, or in other words, Wonderbread with little flakes put in to make it look like there might be a grain or two in it.

Just goes to show what our taste buds prefer if they're never given a sweeter, less healthy option. Each kid ate every bite of their lunch, whole grains and all.

WYYYYYYYYYY-MCA

We joined the Y....again.

And I've gotten to be buddies with the treadmill....again.

And realized that lifting weights results in unexpectedly sore muscles the next day....again.

Can you sense my joy? Yeah, me neither.

But we've also started swimming with the kids during open swim time. This Y has a lap pool, but not a nice kids pool like the Valley Y. The kids have to be with a parent, and you can only have one non-able-to-swim child per adult, so the kids have had to take turns.

David figured out how to wrap a pool noodle around Joel and put a lifejacket on over it so that he easily stays above the water and can play. The child couldn't sink if he tried. He dogpaddles all over the pool chasing the other noodles and balls they put in the pool for the kids to play with. He really is going to be a very athletic kid. But he swam by me the other night and said "Mom, I a gwate thwimmah." Take the flotation devices off and let's see what a great swimmer you are, little boy. At least he seems to have confidence in his abilities:)

Alright...never mind

I have been having Hope read selected stories out of her school reader books. Most of the stories are pretty boring, and I'd really rather she read real books rather than ones with specific sounds/words omitted to follow their curriculum. So we skim. I skimmed through and found a story about the Pilgrims. I figured- reading practice and history lesson in one! We had read about the Pilgrims in her history book several weeks ago, but she can always read it again, right? When I told her to read the story, she said: "The Pilgrims? Boring. Besides, they were really called the Separatists." Alright- if you know that much, maybe you don't need to read that one.

Another reason to miss her

I was browsing vinyl lettering yesterday and came across one the said "Grandma's house- where cousins go to become best friends". I haven't cried about mom in a long time, but I cried over that one. There's one more thing that isn't fair about her being gone- Hope and Chloe will never get to go to Grandma's for the weekend, nobody will take them on little trips together, she won't teach them to bake cookies or let them destroy her house and not make them clean it up when they're done. Not that Jen and I are close now, but it was always fun when the five of us would go to Oma's- there's just something about being somewhere that isn't your own house. No real rules, minimal authority- just do whatever you want and have fun with each other while you're doing it. I suppose the kids could go to dad's--ok, not really. Going to Oma's house was always special, and my kids don't get to have that with mom. Going to David's parents is special too I guess, but they invite them to come spend a few days once every.....lifetime (so far it's only happened once, anyway). But my kids don't really have an 'over the river and through the woods' to go to, and although they don't know any different, I do. I know how different it could be.

Another smartmouth comment by Joel

I know what he's being told at daycare, at least. I laid down with Joel for awhile last night and put my arm around him. He swatted my arm away and told me to "keep oo handth uh uhthelf". Thats 'keep your hands to yourself' for anyone who doesn't speak joelese.

Binkies

I took Joel's pacifier away when he was 15 months old. David gave it back to him when he was about 15.5 months old. And he's had it ever since. A 2.5 year old with a binkie isn't so horrible; a 2.5 year old who looks like a 4 year old is.

A few weeks ago I had an epiphany. We'd gotten back from camping and I was putting Joel to bed. I grabbed the binkies that we'd brought in from the motorhome and headed upstairs behind him. While he wasn't watching, I stuck them in the closet, and then when he asked for them, I said "Oh no!! We left them in the motorhome! I guess we'll have to wait until next weekend to get them." He wasn't too happy but we just kept telling him they were in the motorhome and we'd get them next weekend when we went camping. I did take the pacifiers and gave them to him while we were camping, but again 'forgot' to get them out when we unpacked the motorhome. This weekend I didn't take them, and he never has asked for them after that second weekend when we were back in the motorhome.

Last night I was entertaining Joel and asking him what certain animals said. He knew a bunch of them. He says 'poink poink' for pigs- it's so cute. But when I ran out of animals and asked him what a Joely says, he yelled "I want my binkie!!!".

One Step Behind

I really thought I had this parenting stuff all figured out with Hope. I sorta thought I had it pretty much down with Naomi. Joel has proven I have little clue what the heck I'm doing.

He figured out how to get out of his crib last December. Thankfully after a few nights, he quit climbing out. After Daniel was born and I couldn't pick Joel up, he started using a footstool to climb into his crib when I'd put him to bed at night. I guess that reminded him of how to crawl out of it too. After we got back from our trip to Oregon, he started getting out of bed whenever he felt like it. In our attempts to deal with his escapes, we've been one step behind him the entire time.

-We put a gate up in front of his room so, even if he got out of his crib, he couldn't get out of his room, so he figured out how to unlatch the gate and leave his room. Then we.......
-Took apart the bunk beds and put him in the bed that has a rail around it. At least, we thought, he'd feel somewhat contained and would stay in bed. And we played up the big boy bed idea and let him listen to VeggieTales when he was falling asleep. And we put up a different gate with a harder latch for him to undo. But then he got out of bed at 4 or 5 in the morning to turn Veggies on full-blast. So we.......
-Left him in the big boy bed but put Veggies on repeat so they'd play all night. Maybe if he had music to listen to, he'd stay in bed and go back to sleep if he woke up early. He enjoyed the music, but he got out of bed anyway to play with the toys, and woke Naomi up in the process so she got up and played too. So the toys got put up in the top of the closet to minimize the distractions for him....
-Still didn't work. He was up at 5 the next morning pulling clothes out of the closet. I put him back in bed and told him to go back to sleep. Yeah, right. He got back up and, instead of mastering the latch on the new gate, just pushed hard enough to knock it over.
-Back to the crib for him. We told him if he got out of bed, he'd get spanked. We left the spoon in plain sight to remind him he'd get spanked. He got out of bed, and got spanked, several times. So...
-:( He started getting spanked with no diaper on. Maybe it just wasn't providing the motivation to obey because it really didn't hurt much with all that padding. And voila, he stayed in his crib..........
-For two nights. Then he was climbing out again. So I found a crib tent on Craigslist. WooHoo- now he can't get out- there's a cage over the top of the crib! But after one night, he......
-Figured out how to unzip the tent. I tucked the zipper into the pocket so he couldn't get his finger into the zipper, but he stuck his arm under the rail to reach the zipper and open the tent. Sooooooo, we.....
-Turned the crib around. He can still open the zipper on the tent, but with the opening against the wall, he can't go anywhere.

I have no doubt that in a few days, he'll figure out how to push the crib away from the wall and escape. I've really thought about turning the pack n' play upside down and putting it over him in the crib, but he'd pull on the handle to collapse the bottom of it. I am completely at a loss. How do I keep him in a bed? He can reach and unlock the deadbolt on the front door, and he knows if he gets a stepstool he can reach the garage door opener, so if he wanted to he could get out of the house while we were asleep. I have no clue, short of locking him in a room, what to do about this kid who is always one step ahead of whatever I think will keep him contained. To be continued, I guess..............

Answered Prayers

I was browsing through Psalms looking for one that would be good for Hope to memorize, and I saw a section of highlighting. I underline in my bible, but I don't think I've ever highlighted, but once I read the verses, I remembered why they were highlighted.

After I'd been on the worship team at Faith for a year, I was seriously thinking about quitting both choir and worship team. Even though I am a morning person, I was tired of having to be at church at 7:00AM every Sunday of the year. It'd be nice to be able to sleep in until 8 or just skip a week if I wanted. And there was a lady who had joined choir and I knew she'd make worship team and she annoyed the heck out of me. She really wasn't that great of a singer, but she just wormed her way in and became friends with Betsey. She acted like she had a music degree, but then she'd mess up something and tell us all we were doing it wrong. See, I still don't like her, although I found her blog and have realized she was just as insecure as I was. But I really thought I should just quit choir and started praying about if that would be ok or not. One morning as I was praying about it, I felt like I was supposed to quit praying and open my bible. "Ok, fine, I'll open the bible and read wherever it opens to." I read Psalms frequently, so it wasn't surprising that the pages flipped open there. But the verses at the top of the page weren't what I expected to see.

"But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
for He has been good to me."

Thanks for the subtly there, God. Fine, I'll stay in choir and quit complaining about having to get up so stinkin' early.

Those two verses were a specific answer to prayer. Guess I didn't want to forget that sometimes God does just say "here ya go. that's your answer."

My own personal cheerleader

The first time Joel noticed me pumping, he asked, "What doing?" I told him I was making milk for Daniel. "Oh, miylk for Ganyo?" So now whenever he sees me pumping, he has to check that I'm still just making milk. But lately, he's stood there and really watched. And he doesn't seem to understand personal space. He leans right in against my legs and puts his chin in his hands and scrutinizes things. He puts his hands around the horns to see what everything feels like while the pump is working. And he tells me that the milk is for Daniel. "Not Joel's miylk, Ganyo's miylk." Today he was very concerned when he didn't immediately see milk. I told him to be patient- there would be milk in a minute. He leaned in and examined everything, and when he finally saw milk, he started clapping and saying "Yay miylk!" At least in the making-milk department, he's easy to please.

And then there was Junebug...

Sugarbug, Snugglebug, Stinkbug, and Junebug- as David has started saying "all mine, all planned, all done". It isn't sad, exactly, knowing this is my last baby- maybe more just sentimental, but I've been sitting around holding this little boy a whole lot more than I ever did with the other kids.

Birthday for Hope

I kept telling Hope she couldn't have a birthday because I didn't want her to be any older than six. But she had one anyway. She had to wear most of the jewelry she owns to daycare, and took cookies so they could celebrate her birthday.


For dinner she wanted to go to Red Robin, mainly because she knows she'll get a sundae if she tells them it's her birthday. Joel found a half-inflated balloon floating around our table, so he played with that most of the evening and actually behaved himself! Poor Hope's sundae was forgotten about, but she wasn't too disappointed because she knew she had cake and ice cream waiting for her at home. A month ago Hope was grocery shopping with me and wanted to look at the cakes in the bakery. She found a Belle cake that she said she wanted for her birthday, so I ordered it for her and had David pick it up on his way home from work. During dinner he 'whispered' to me that they'd forgotten to make her cake and all they had left was a big football cake. Hope said that was fine- she didn't care what kind of cake she had. But she was awfully excited when we got home and she saw the Belle cake!

I've been buying her a hardback Little House on the Prarie book for her birthday and Christmas for the last two years, so she got the next Prarie book. Since she finally got her hair cut off last weekend, she got some cute headbands and hair clips to keep her hair back out of her face. And David wanted to get her a movie, but most of the disney movies we already had. So David got her E.T.- now maybe I'll finally watch that movie. The one thing I remember about it is that dad promised us he'd take us to see it when we lived in Coulee Dam and he never did. Pathetic thing to remember, isn't it:)

And silly Joel- on the way to Red Robin, he started saying "Key-no" as we passed the casino that's right off the freeway. I thought he was saying casino, but I had no idea how he'd know that word. Then on the way back, as we passed the casino again, he said "Key-no, right dere." Who knows how he knew it was a casino, except that there's a big Orca whale statue that Hope always wants to see, but usually we say to look at the whale, not look at the casino. Who knows. And during dinner he got chocolate milk with his meal, and when it was gone he handed me his cup and said "Want more chocolate please". Alrighty Joel.

Old dresses

The girls both wore one of my old dresses to church today.

The material on the top of Naomi's is some weird polyester, and while I'm sure it was cute enough 30 years ago, I don't think we'll be wearing it again.

Hope's dress is still nice enough although completely out of style, but she's six- who cares about what's in style. That one I think we may keep in the closet for Naomi to wear. And check out my wicked awesome braiding skills! Mom wouldn't be impressed, but I am:)

Manners

Joel has become such a polite little man. Everything is 'Please' and 'Thank you'. We've always made him say those, but lately something has clicked and he remembers to say them by himself. When we get him a drink of water, he says thank you. Even when we put his food on the table, he'll say thank you. Yesterday he was into something he knew he wasn't suppposed to play with, and I asked him if he wanted to get spanked. His reply? "No, thank you".

Bad Timing

I just found an echo job in Tucson, at what I would consider the best place there for David to work. It's at the university's hospital, so I'd assume it would be a good learning environment, and he'd see more than just post-heart-surgery patients that are genenrally boring and routine. When I showed him the posting, he told me to fill out the application for it, so I guess that means he'd be interested in the job. But he didn't seem to care much, and I'm sure I can guess why. Right now would be about the worst timing in the world to move. In January or February, his old job at Swedish was open, sort of, and we discussed the same thing then. Of all the times to move, now really stinks.

First is the house. I hate to even look anymore at what houses around us are listed for. In order for us to have a chance of selling, we'd have to list it so low that we'd lose about $150K. That's almost what I paid for my house in Spokane. I cannot imagine purposely selling a house, knowing you'd lose that kind of money. Especially when it isn't the hypothetical, 'my house was worth this three years ago and I could've sold it for that much' type of loss. We'd lose $150K off what we paid- cash that for a few days in 2006 graced my savings account.

And then there's my job. Todd has finally mellowed some, at least most of the time. I actually don't dread going to work most days. I hate it when I take the kids to daycare, but once that's over I don't mind. Todd still has his days where he's a pain to be around- a few weeks ago I got lectured for putting my gloves on too loudly- but the days he's fine far outnumber the bad ones lately. And our daycare- I actually really like this place, and I'd hate to start looking all over again. The lady who owns it looks just like David's stepmom, and she's about as nice. Naomi comes home singing songs that they sang during worship time; at their old daycare, Hope would get in trouble for talking about God, and now they have organized time to worship! Although I'd love to find Mary Poppins to deal with Joel, I think this is a great place for them to be.

And Zachary. He really wants to go to UW. I don't know that he'll get in, but maybe at the Bothell campus he'll have a better shot. Part of me would want him to live on campus and get the "freshman experience", but he could also live here and save everyone a wad of money. The kids all love it when he's here, and if he'd just learn the purpose of a laundry basket and dresser, I'd enjoy having him around too. It wouldn't be very nice of us to move away right before he moves here, especially since he was the main reason I finally said we definitely should move back to Washington.

The other day David asked me if we won the lottery and could live anywhere we wanted and didn't have to worry about jobs, where I'd want to live. Four years ago I would've said Tucson. Even two years ago I would've said Tucson. Now I don't know. I would love to move back to Rockford. Barring any big changes at Swedish, David would be happy working there indefinitely. Rockford doesn't have everything in the world to offer, but being an hour from one of the largest cities in the world provides most anything we'd need. But winter..........how I loathe thee. And humidity- I'm not a fan of sticky, sweaty, can't-cool-off heat. I don't know that I'm a fan of blazing-hot dry heat either, but I think it would be preferrable to Illinois summers. But in Tucson, we have the same problem we have here- we basically don't have anyone around. David's mom, I'm afraid, would be hit and miss. Depending on her mood, she could be a huge asset or completely absent as a grandmother. David said he wouldn't mind moving back to Spokane, mostly because of the amount of family we have there. Again, we have the winter issue, but I agree that other than snow Spokane is a nice place. What makes me sick is that, when David took this job, there was a job at some cardiology practice in Spokane too. He didn't even consider applying because he'd heard the practice was having problems and he didn't want to get involved in a practice that was going to have all sorts of changes in the near future. Given what he's working for now, we both would've put up with a crappy practice in Spokane versus a crappy practice in Everett. So many hypothetical options, such bad timing for any of them. Except staying put. The one thing neither of us really want, the one thing that makes the most sense.

Gracker!!!

Right now, Joel loves anything that is big and moves. He announces "Oh-Oh-ome" anytime he sees a camper/trailer/motorhome. He tells us Gruck if he sees a semi or larger truck on the freeway. Recently there were three big tractors parked at the fire station by our house. He started saying Gracker whenever we'd go by them. I realized after a couple times that he was trying to say tractor. The past week or two they've been gone, and now when we drive by, he says "Gracker gone".

The other night on the way to Hope's dance class, we drove by a spot where five big tractors were parked. We also drive by a big bus parking lot for the school district. I figured he'd notice the buses, because there's a whole bunch of them right off the road. But the tractors were just off in a field, and off a highway where we were driving 55mph, so I didn't think he'd even have time to see them. But holy cow, he noticed! "Gracker, gracker, mommy, gracker!!!"

Friends this week

Mostly, Hope would rather be an only child. She plays with Naomi because there aren't many other options, but she doesn't like her and certainly doesn't try to be nice to her.

The last week or so, Naomi has decided she wants to sleep wherever Hope is. If Hope sleeps in Zach's room, Naomi camps out in the hallway because Hope will just kick her out of the bed. But the other night, Naomi just waited until Hope went to sleep and then crawled in bed with her. They were still there the next morning, so Hope either never woke up or put up with Naomi being in the sacred territory of Zach's room. Saturday night both girls wanted to sleep in Zach's room, so in order to not have a fight ensue, I told them neither could sleep there, but they could both sleep in my room. They hopped right into our bed and went to sleep without any audible fighting.

Last night when I went upstairs, Naomi wasn't in her bed. I figured she had gotten in my bed, but she wasn't there when I checked. After I started looking around, I found her in bed with Hope in the top bunk. They both slept there all night. Hope says she woke up in the night and realized Naomi was in her bed, but she let her stay there. I cannot imagine how uncomfortable it would be to sleep with Hope in a twin bed; I don't enjoy sleeping with her in a queen bed where there's room to escape her flailing limbs. But Naomi loves her big sister and is a little scared of being alone, so she'll put up with being smacked around in the night to be close to her big sister.

Little Readers

Joel LOVES to be read to these days. He started liking it a few weeks ago with a Dora book of Hope's. He'd name all the things on the pages- ball, backpack, tree, umbrella, octopus, water. There was one picture of a goldfish. When we asked him what is was, he said 'cracker'. It took a minute to figure out he thought it looked like a goldfish cracker. He still says cracker; he'll point to the fish if you ask where a fish is, but if he's naming pictures, he says cracker.

Now he's much less picky with books. He still loves the Dora book, but he likes lots of others too. Several times a day he runs to wherever David or I are sitting and says "read book, read book". After every page or two, he'll say "the end" and try to close the book. I think grandpa needs to visit for a day or two so someone else can read book, read book.