Last Christmas

Sometimes disappointment can be a wonderful thing.  Sometimes what causes that disappointment can provide better things.  John Dirkse taught me that, in a way.

In 2000, Christmas Eve was on a sunday.  Faith was going to have a big service, with the choir doing several songs, and the worship team leading the rest of the singing. 

That meant I'd be in Spokane for Christmas instead of Quincy. I figured I'd just sing and then spend the holiday with the McKannas.  Even though we weren't really dating anymore, I was still close to Terry's family, and his sister that I was closest to was going to be home for Christmas.

It wasn't until John made his decisions that my plans changed.

John decided that at the Christmas Eve service, he only wanted one of the two altos on worship team to sing.  And that alto was not me. 

I was surpirsed, and probably a bit hurt.  That meant that all I'd be doing at the Christmas Eve service was singing in the choir.  That choir had a ton of good altos; my voice in the middle of the crowd wasn't going to change anything.

I also had tried out for a solo that year.  I never had tried out before; I don't know what made me do it that year, except I figured if I'd made worship team, I must have a decent voice.  I remember not even being sure I wanted to, but I did.  And did not get the solo.  Another decision John made that, in retrospect, was God-ordained.

So I decided not to sing that year.

John tried to talk me out of not participating.  I explained that our family always had Christmas Eve with my mom's family and Christmas day with my dad's.  Even just staying for church and then driving to Quincy would mean I'd miss most of the day with mom.

I went with mom to Quincy on the 23rd.  During the drive there we talked about David, sang christmas songs, probably talked about Dr. Berndt retiring.....I just remember being with her.  And enjoying it.

Six weeks later, she was in a hospital bed that she would never leave.

What if John had let me sing??  I would've missed mom's last Christmas.